You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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