went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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