Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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