Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
