I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
