Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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