I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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