this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
