how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
