If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just threw up on my dentist
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
