I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
