3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me too!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
