Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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