You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
