3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
