I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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