life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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