i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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