oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
