im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
