Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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