you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
