i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
