Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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