believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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