I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
