it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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