Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
