Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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