I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
