Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
