I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
