life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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