Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
