We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
