We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
