Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
should my penis look like a turkey
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
