Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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