dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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