In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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