Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My ass is underappreciated
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
