It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
