??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
