Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He has the fingertips of a God
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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