atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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