Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
