I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
