just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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