I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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