We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
