like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
