your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
