I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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