i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
